[My Baby] - a prayer

"To my dearest baby Lena,

On the 23rd of Jan 2003 - 11pm it would be a month since the day I lost you. I prayed so hard for you to forgive me and maybe one day understand the reason for the choice I made. The emptiness I feel inside is indescribable.. how I wish I had been stronger to stand up for what I wanted. I wanted you so badly, somehow I think you're a girl. I felt your presence because I could feel you were conceived. Our circumstances however did not permit us to keep you to full term (so we thought).

Now we can only weep thinking about our baby we gave up on, because we didn't have enough faith in ourselves to decide the best fate for her. Instead we just chose the best fate we thought was best for ourselves.

I love you so much although we would never see each other, we could never touch.. and we would never know each other. I'm so sorry baby that you never made it into this world and it was because of a choice I had made out of all my fears, fears that I know might not even exist now. I think about you constantly and hold a place for you in my heart all the time. I know that god is taking care of you now, and I hope you find peace wherever you are.

Love always."


"I wonder, is there a gurdian angle watching over us?"


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